My baby son was buried at St Peter’s in 1985 aged eight months. His short life had consisted of half a dozen or so operations to manage a severe congenital condition from which he was never going to recover. The tragic experience had a life changing impact on us as parents and our close family.
A few years after he was buried I placed a pair of tiny ornamental blue baby shoes (just 2 or 3 inches long) on the ledge of his grave. They were like the baby shoes I always wanted him to wear, but was never going to happen.
If you are fortunate to have never gone through the experience of losing a baby or young child you may find it hard to understand what a comfort those little ornaments are when you visit their grave.
These little shoes were not any inconvenience to the grave maintenance team: as I said they sat on the ledge, happily for all those years.
When I was advised that they had been removed. I was shocked. I felt violated, upset and angry.
These tiny china shoes were on the ledge of this baby's graves for over 30 years until they were removed and destroyed without legal title in 2020
In spite of the terrible weather I traveled back to the graveyard. I met another couple who had lost a young son. They told me how they had been at the graveyard and a man had come out of the Church and went to their son’s grave and started to remove an ornament. When they asked what he was doing the man shouted at them, “This shouldn’t be here!”. Just stop and let that sink it. Two parents actually got shouted at, at their young son’s grave, by a representative of the Church who has clearly been given some authority. What on earth is happening here?
This strict enforcement has only happened in the past two or three years. The reality is that they could be more flexible. The Sweeney aren’t going to descend on St Peter’s because someone is putting an ornament, or artificial flowers, on a grave.
I was brought up with the Church. From an early age I attended two or three times a week; I taught in Sunday school; and played the organ at two churches.
But with this recent experience, I feel like I never want to set foot in a Church again.
Matthew 5:4“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”
You aren’t comforting mourners at St Peter’s. You really aren’t.