I find it interesting when I hear what people say about me.
The words, how can she help anyone who is grieving, who has she lost? She’s never lost a child; how can she know what it is like?
I am not upset by these words; in fact, I am encouraged by them. I do not need to explain to anyone how my life has been or what it is like now. I know what I have suffered but I would never say that I know what it is like to lose a child.
When I found out I was pregnant oh so many years ago, I was overwhelmed. Happiness and nervousness all mixed into one big emotional nightmare. But, it was worth it. All the worries melted away when I held my child in my arms, and I was in love. No one could have ever prepared me for those feelings and emotions. I promised to protect him, to keep him safe, to always be there for him and I have been so rewarded. Oh yes, there have been times when I could have easily run down the road screaming but it has been so worthwhile.
When I had my second child I worried if I could share my love enough, but I needn’t have worried as I had so much love to give. It was as if my heart just grew and grew.
What has this got to do with grief? I hear you ask. It has everything to do with grief. To just think about losing my children makes my soul hurt. And if I can feel that from a thought then I can imagine what it would be like for those parents who have lost a child. Lost a child at any age. If I can be overwhelmed by a thought then what they feel is so huge, so unbearable, such pain that knocks them down and makes them crumble.
If you have loved, then you will understand but if you have loved and lost then you should not even ask that question.
I am here because I am human and because I love. And yes, I have lost, and I grieve but I also am here for those who hurt so deeply and so badly that they cannot speak. They have no words.
If I can see the effect of the actions of the church on those who are already in so much pain. Why can the church not see it themselves.
And if they know they are causing pain, why continue? I have no answer, I cannot imagine inflicting that much pain on anyone.
Not everyone is able to understand or sense other people’s emotions, but I do have the ability to imagine what they are feeling. And if I can imagine what it could be like then I can also see that what they are going through is a million times worse than what I can imagine and that, that is indescribable. There are no words.
And when I am asked why I continue to highlight the issues of what has happened at St Peters Church in Bredhurst. When the small tokens of love that were placed by the grieving onto a grave have been removed with such enthusiasm. My answer is always this.
When the excessiveness of imposing the rules to extremes only in this burial ground and not everywhere have forced those who believed in a loving God to turn away then the mission to spread the word of God has failed.
Actions speak louder than words.
We all have a responsibility to be empathetic. We are all capable of love. We have a responsibility as members of the same family, the same race.
The human race.
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Aeschylus wrote: -
“Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget, falls drop by drop upon the heart, until in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom, through the awful grace of God.”
What we needed in Bredhurst was not division, what we did not need was enmity, what we did not need was superiority. What we needed was love, compassion, wisdom, and justice.
For those who have suffered under the current Bredhurst regime it is but a forlorn hope to even think that compassion, wisdom, justice and care will rise again without regime change.
Thank you for sharing this. To have the courage to try and understand what people are going through is showing what a huge heart you have.
The lack of empathy and the condescending attitude of the leadership at St Peter's, Bredhurst is breathtaking. Had a real opportunity to bring everyone together with a small amount of compromise but allowed a small group of authoritarian charlatans on the PCC to use the consultation to dig in further with its enforcement of outdated regulations. Enforcement that does not happen in the majority of other churches in the Diocese. As we, and they, know.